- When life gives you lemons, you take them with a bag of ice & some misdirected hostility, & go to the nearest tea party protest. (I guess.)
- Okay, world, I'm about done using the floor &/or some crossword puzzle for my chessboard. You're being warned. Hear the fool say, "King me."
- Okay, just aced my Supervisory Management test. Seems I hardly need dumbass classes like that with the twitter on my lap in between my naps.
- Quaker Oats announced marketing/branding changes in their 'Make Reading Fun' campaign after poor cereal sales of Captain Underpants Crunch.
- I’m just saying all you self-help, New Age authors seem to be repeating yourself. Nothing personal, 2DeepPac.
- Crippling debt trappings of a Canada hog-tied became a Kraft Dinner boxing day of pigs on horses punching. And we had no way to.. Ketchup.
- No need for me to know what went into it. A shit-eating grin speaks for itself. But, if it say it's winning, it best beware.. donkey punch
- Was listening to a radio commercial about make-up, I think, when I suddenly realized that I don't really know how I feel about my lashes.
- 9 times out of 10, it's the crazy bear that eats you.
- You know how they say necessity is the mother of invention? Yeah, well, I fucked her.
- I didn't have the materials to make a float for the parade, so I made a shake, instead. Not exactly sure how this is gonna work.
- Was watching the time closely. Then, when I refused to wipe the stupid look off my face, as per not nice request, the dumb thing clocked me.
- Went on quest for a cameltoe dilly bar at the new Mellow Dromedary Queen shop. All I could find was the old Dairy Queen. And new melodrama.
- “Team ping-pong's not a sport. It's a lame, unstable coffee table tennis game fable," said the Olympic champ & Team Ding Dong honorary king.
- Corporate Filet-of-USA News: Government lets Disney downsize again and outsource all characters into one "It's a Small{crowded}World" tweet.
- "You tried. You came. You cried because you're lame.You win the award for making me bored again." ~worst nonsensical wedding toast runner-up
- Crazy is a hazy gravy, baby. Takes mashed potatoes to make me dance. Buttered roars the floor each time a leaky roof gets 'raise me' crazy.
- I dragged my dick in the dirt to where you had your head in the sand, & I told you that we were meant to be together. So, let's form a band.
- The Special of the Day sounded quite exquisite. But, had I read how it was spelled on the menu, I never would have ordered the Squirrelrito.
- zero fucks sold plus no fucks given 1 fuck came back minus receipt but with 2 shits & a rat's ass crazy that shit made me probably stolen
- A dim bulb's bright idea flickers. His half-assed tweet runs out of gas. He hears, “Dicker me knicker arse parsley," as he trips on the cat.
- I told Joan Jett, “Until you stop hating yourself, it’s not possible for you to love me.”
- Fact: William Tell shot, & Burroughs missed..same apple that fell on head of Newton (& Buddha). Eve's apple tasted same as when I ate Fiona.
- Spaghetti's what I've got. It's ready, but I'm not. I've no clue how ya got lasagna on ya. I assume it's probably because you used a spoon.
- Whilst whilsting, all the milk accidentally spilt itself everywhere.
- In the 70's, I was the most famous leg model in Vegas. Back then, I was everywhere. Um, well, actually.. My hypnotic knee on lights was.
- I keep mixing up the hosts of travel & eating shows with celebrity chefs. Because I don't pay really pay attention. # iamabettergirlwatcher
- I'm going off the rails in a gravy boat. # thugstyle
- Sure. Fly. Ride. Swim. I'll take it. Hike. Bike. What? Oh, sorry. I thought you said first-class was full, & asked if I wanted to fly cooch.
- A friend of the devil wrapped her red hot rainbox round my brain. My eyes closed; visions of future memories appeared. # nipplesinstillwater
- Not a day goes by where I don't injure myself doing nothing.
- A military sub seems like more of a dom to me.
- Peacekeeper missile? Weapon of ass destruction? Mind amazed. Eyes aglaze. Hands praise as her mouth drops open upon my {radio edit} in awe.
- Not sure if neighbor sucks at guitar or is playing Yes, real slowly, but I've got my CHiPs outfit on, and I'm en route to confiscate an amp.
- I don't mean to brag, but I am living proof that practice doesn't help at all.
- The only thing preventing me from being up to no good is the absence of a footlift.
- The only difference between my job and my hobby is milk.
- Championship fun. The moon looks really full. I hope it didn't overeat. I'd hate for it to end up all gassy like Venus.
- Typothetically speaking, there are no spelling errors.
- I assume the reason lobsters keep biting me is because they're crabby and probably bored.
- Alfonzo's guano says it ain't crazy and only starts to act wacky if the Nickelback shit's played back to back. So, I turned down my stereo.
- I use entropy to decompose unwritten tweets so I don't need to send 'em & delete 'em because they're all fully crap. Beat that, stupid cat.
- Still working out kinks in my neck, and in this virtual soccer video game I just got. Went up for a header.. Broke TV. Cracked head in.
- In reflection on the moonlit Nile, hit fans split shit in the mirrored river.. As I wonder how I might get a pizza, and if anyone delivers.
- I thought wi-fi meant the twin aliens, Winnifred & Fido, who hover over my neighborhood in a cloudship, messing up my phone & cable signals.
- I don't see why I deserve to be court-martialed for one isolated prank. I filled it up with water & goldfish. I didn't ruin the stupid tank.
- Had to make a mad rabbit miracle bunny hole dash/escape from a bad habit, guitarless, after a last bender went bust with his Fender & stuff.
- Voices in my head.. so dumb they don't know they're dumb Talk a storage lockery full of shit. Will not stand for this mockery. must sit
- Stubbornly refusing warm water, the Siberian circus freak put Carmex on his chapped lips in the hopes of getting the cold sword to unstick.
- I'm not so sure that my Smart phone really is, and get this.. Autocorrect insists your Smart car's wrong.
- When I stop saying he's not the brightest light saber's when he stops telling me what smell's his favorite kind of disinfecting wipe flavor.
- Accidentally slobbered all over my positive thinking quote for the day and it got smudged. Only words unharmed: you, missed, the, last, bus
- I'm about one lesson away from learning I'm too old to be kicking things.
- "A peasant piss ant resistance isn't, & can't go the distance. This fool-fueled, infertile, feudal feud's futile." ~the lying king, probably
- Wasn't always dropped on my head as a kid. Only landed on it half the time. Sucks that my dad had to be the world's shittiest juggler ever.
- I'm sorry. There's not room for any more superheroes in this popsicle stand. You're going to tip it over & break it & mom will be pissed.
- "There is no us in genius; just u & i," I told her, to try & make her cry. She called me dumbass & then a thrown pie just missed missing me.
- If you say we are all the same, that's a passive-aggressive way of telling me I'm also a stupid poophead. Just so you know I know you know.
- What part about me being in this barrel makes you think it's perfectly okay for you to bob for apples?
- I’m probably responsible for the military-industrial complex. I really had no idea it was that insecure about its tiny, dysfunctional penis.
- The soothing sounds of country bum'kins bumpin'..rock like no other. Trailblazing cocks head out for nature walks..deep inside your mother.
- Come hang loose with Lucifer's rooster. Listen to the sounds of frogs & bullhorns blowing as super horny toads sing & hell's cowbells ring.
- Courtesy thoughts. Tweets brought. me 2 u 'n u 2 me Speech stains. Soak Bleach Soap Wash Rinse Cycle complete. Repeat. At the beep. Speak.
- A sleeping giant wakes right as.. the game, it claims our brain. The shaman’s drum, it skips a beat. And then it stops the rain.
- Counting Crows counting blue cars counting gold bars count d's in ADD don't don't do drugs double D's tease squeeze Deez Nuts bust seeds..
- Current Status: Debating whether I need to take a chemical shower after having just visited Facebook.
- Mystery fur man. WTF? I just had to beat the Abominable Snowman's ass. My harem asked if I'd get 'em reefer. You sent me to the wrong house.
- Saw a monkey stick a finger in his butt, then sniff it and accidentally go flying backwards off a ledge. Sucks to lose a follower that way.
- Was a few fries short of a Happy Meal, but he sure was fast. Just couldn't seem to grasp that a running back's supposed to go forward.
- It was right as the sorority chicks began swinging pillows on Lingerie Tickle Fight Night that I waltzed in.. And ruffled a few feathers.
- I forgot we're to blame for getting daily followback unfollow shaggings by twingnuts for tweeting and retweeting or when we do diddly squat.
- Twitter Elite is a polite way to say spam.
- Following me for a followback just to unfollow me super fast after that explains why the dude in front of me's driving like such a huge ass.
- When I say, "Lap dance?" You say, "Fat chance." Because you don't play the game right.
- Wasn't so much seeing how the Amazon women's boobs were all fake moon landings that made the movie so trippy.. It was watching it in 3-D.
- "I can do blue, but it blows like a half-baked Bob Saget. Tag! Yer it." Dude, who taught you how to panhandle? Here's 5 bucks. Stop that.
- What began as simple mannequin shenanigans involving cucumbers & somewhat ripe bananas resulted in multiple kumquat-plumbing melon felonies.
- Eden twitter comic, Adam, not Mitt, was first to say it: "I regret that I have but one wife to rib for my country; & by rib, I mean, bone."
- If you don't stop saying, "Because you suck," I'm going to stop coming to you for answers.
- Either shit or get off the pot. Your indecisiveness is making a mess.
- I'm thinking about doing fuck all, professionally.
Sunday, October 6, 2013
First
spilt whilst 
the band fan 
damp pamphlet 
little bobby 
36 hour marsupialis 
rupert nerduck 
diva devo 
throw it, i'm open 
the finer V 
sex o t c 
her rabbit aladdin 
potty talk 
half past last 
napsnapper 
Section 226.12(d) 
dandi doggi 
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