- “Ain't superstitious; black, blue, plaid. Don't matter; not luck. Cat's just bad." ~Dog #thp
different plane of existence on aircraft carriers heavy metal godfather’s jokes bomb translate: comic, Ozzy’s crude quips sink ships #thp
Through gravel, over an embankment, & into traffic.. Yep, that's the way I roll. #thp- Broke nose in Poconos soon as I got in town due to 'they hate my rhymes' crime. My big shoe Shriner clowns beatdown was breaking news. #thp
All that training to win race. What a waste. Wasn't greeted by vixens with bacon when I broke the tape. There was no Bacon-Vixen line. #thp
Bono got cocky about having show on Oprah's network. At press conference, he said: "There are 2 O's in Bono AND in boobies, so I win.” #thp
Obama is being forced to ban ethanol. Not because the law jacks poor people by causing food prices to soar.. Corn sounds like Koran. #thp
Interrupt each Fortune 500 company's annual meeting and break the boardroom table with my {radio edit}? Check. Bucket list complete. #thp
“Game's Simon Says," he said. "I'm Simon; now get yer legs behind yer head." She said, "You didn't say 'Simon', Simon." HIM: "Simon.” #thp- Not sure how I got in this pickle or whose kitchen I'm in. Last thing I remember was taking a nap inside a huge cucumber at the store. #thp
To not look stupid while trying to literally relish the last thought I had had, I decided it'd be wise to jam a fat hot dog in my ear. #thp- I sure could use a self-cleaning sexgodsuperhero outfit that didn't make me look too dorky. #thp
I do not have time for any of your shit, I told the last minute. #thp- I don't know my superheroes or cliches and bird in the hand something somethings. But, that's sure a stoned Robin inside the bat cave. #thp
“What's the use?" said Bruce, a Wasilla cop. "'Til she's blown every moose & let 'em stick it in her caboose, Palin ain't gonna stop." #thp
Best way to ignore global debt crisis forever: Have a never-ending World Cup tournament and print a ton of money constantly worldwide. #thp- Best part of camping is the picnic basket-trapping cartoon bears. Also, no inside jokes. #thp
- Her mine. His hers. Soda spill. Word slur. Tweet-wraps her soul with laughter on his {radio edit}, she comes as the master blasts her. #thp
- You must stay way the fuck away. You have on the crazy apron. I don't need some cocky dumb talking smock stalking me. Just to mock me. #thp
- Had I known anything about international cuisine, a connection between hummus, Greek yogurt & her flicking bean sure woulda been seen. #thp
I like it when we role-play, and she's my overhead compartment. #thp
Was with the last load of dirty laundry that, her baby, Mama Kanga threw. Shortly, thereafter, he was hung out to dry. On a hangaroo. #thp
Busted a nut. For eating a peach. Out of my yard, without asking. But,.. Judge let him go because he was some famous Almond Brother. #thp
Naked, covered in Oil of Olay, wearing only cowboy boots & a hat, he'd shout, "Vive el toro!" He was the worst bullfighting fan ever. #thp
HER: "What do you do?" ME: "Basically, I'm a movie critic and an art aficionado." HER: "What do you do besides watch porn?" #thp- According to a statistic I just made up, stupid has more uses than hemp. #thp
Breaking News: Rolling Stones replace Jagger with Mick Donald. New CD will include a song remix.. "(Can't Get No Curly Fries) Action" #thp- Was trying to have a mature adult discussion about flick turboobies and u-turnipples when.. Off a turnip truck, I fell.* *got pushed #thp
I like how my 2 BCFFs (best cow friends) love Twitter, but less udder butter honking & saying nice tweets & bell rings would be swell. #thp- I was, like, "This stinks." And decided to throw in the towel. Now, everything's pink. #thp
When I said everything woulda been a whole lot different had I not lost a belt loop on my pants, I meant.. Had I not ordered waffles. #thp
If you're ever sitting there, & think of something funny, & then say to yourself: "I gotta go tweet that." Remember, it's crazy talk. #thp- To see if imagination creates reality, I believed I felt a shell of white light wrap me. Ended up stuck in egg. Sat on by a chicken. #thp
Playgirl magazine said I said: "With God as my witness, I owe my gift to Him." This led to God entering.. Witness Protection Program #thp
Supreme Court denied my appeal for intellectual disability status. Chief Justice: "51% of plaintiff being a stupidhead is by choice." #thp
Super horny, & in need of a good porking, the first 2 little pigs got all wet after hearing a hungry big bad wolf promise to eat them. #thp- Sometimes it can be fun. Just not so much if you end up all soaked. Sorta depends on whether there's a big pow wow dance after dinner. #thp
- I hope I made the right decision by letting her steal the batteries out of today's laugh track for her vibrator. #gsoav
- “Coyote Ugly? You should be called Ugly Coyote. You lead with the ugly." ~neighbor's dog, Heckler, on porch, right before a coyote eats him
Had we been allowed to preview our tweets before posting them, none of us would be where we are today. Related: Where are you? I am here.
On the first day of class, the teacher informed me that rug burns & rug hooking have nothing to do with each other. So, I dropped out of it.
What kind of maniac deals from the bottom of the neck..wear, & can't deal with my scarf going to the dealer? A not full deck kind is right.- Gonna always stay and play in Sahara Sarah's sandbox. 'O'-facing the day. The oasis way. Gonna never desert her because she's a.. Squirter.
- Opened Metaphysical Porn Shop. Made deal with Stooges, & let 'em film a Will Smith remix there if they played a live show. Got Iggy with it.
Does red pill open your mind? Do you trip balls on blue? Couldn't remember. So, I ate both. Now, me and Barney are a happy family. #gsoav- Ever feel like you ran right into an ass ceiling at cruising speed & now wear it like a numbskull cap as you await a pinata's fate? Me, too.
Dished out bribes like JP Morgan. Had Universe's handymen fuck with the electrical so when light bulbs go off.. People get the wrong ideas.
Just met Beavis & Butthead in real life. Found out they have ambition & beneath each cartoon exterior's a penguin expert in kung fu. #gsoav
What do you get when a cute chick gets between Barbie & Ken? Bar-B-Q Chicken I'll let you read that one again. Barbie | cute chick | Ken
I. didn't. start. it. In his high chair, showing off a new dumb bib, the baby talked shit by grinning at me. He threw mushy carrots first.- Somewhat ironically, the broke water buffalo's water broke just outside Buffalo. #gsoav
The way to kick bad habits is to take 'em off & leave 'em off, I told all the nuns: The young & sloppy naughty hotties, & the some not ones.
Starting to feel like I'm Tom & Twitter is Jerry, I told the cardboard cutout of the MySpace guy taped to my mirror. But, I got no response.
Played in the Gulf of Aden with Ziggy. Stayed in a cool room with a view. On a pirate ship, we saw crazy shit: star men and a skeleton crew
Done beta testing, Captain Slobvious was now ready to share his trend-setting superpowers & super fashion sense to the world beyond Walmart.
Piss and vinegar's why grandma's ashes were so heavy in the tin she was in; so I had her canonized. Cannon broke. Ruined circus tent roof.
Paris, the city? Scope, like Listerine? Nope & nope. Oh, I see. I mean, I don't. I can't see shit. I hope I'm not seasick. # subtweet #gsoav
Dear Diarrhea, Sorry I haven't written in you lately. To be fair, it's not all my fault. Every time I write in you, I ruin my pen. #gsoav
By the time we got to Woodstock, he was already dead. Snoopy was passed out and there were beak marks on his head. We could hear Sha Na Na.
One time at Backhand Camp, Bruce Lee beat Chuck Norris' ass while we watched Return of the Dragon..where Bruce Lee beats Chuck Norris' ass.
On our first date, she said, "When I pull my vagina over my head, I can hear the ocean." It was then that I knew she was the one. #gsoav
- Bubble, bubble, toil & trouble-wrap. Quit with the shit, or I will crap back double that. #gsoav
- Bubble wrap.. It's not like we're married. You're not stuck every day with me and my crap. I mean, really. This hostility is getting silly.
Breaking News: Legislation introduced to ban Muslim dancing due to Sunday school outfits of America's children being ruined by mosque balls.- Billy Ray Cyrus told TMZ: "Satan cursed family with Hannah Montana; ruining my Miley." The reporter replied, "Don't be so hard on yourself."
Mad Hatter is suing the Tea Party for product infringement and brand name destruction. He's also refusing to unblock Steven Tyler. #gsoav- "My smart boy sang, 'Poops, I did it again' & toilet-trained himself." Sorry to tinkle on your parade, lady, but your gifted kid just peed.
Broken; he gathered up all the shattered pieces. I said: "I'm proud of you for trying to keep it together. Real sorry I pushed you, Humpty."- Big sweet scoops of ice cream on a hot day in hell. She's dressed to the 666's. Demons moan.. "All's already well, but you stole her poem."
- Served up on a platter, soaked in batter after that last dwarf had at her, the prince sat there & ate his date. "Tastes great." #gsoav
Shoulda seen the look on her face when I asked the succubus for a transfer as I was getting off. #gsoav- She told me to put a sock in it. I didn't know she meant, shut up. So, now she's got my best puppet stuck in her ass. #gsoav
She sucks at coherent thought & empathy..& at sucking, she blew. {Atlas shrugged.} Be glad it was me not you who she gave fountain head to.
She asked why curtain couldn't be open at night. I said because that's not how a ninja rolls. She laughed out loud. I'm gonna trade her in.- Buncha cows = herd. Buncha geese = flock. Blessing = {radio edit} busts a {radio edit} in her {radio edit} at grace.* *Or a buncha unicorns
When I hear expression "God on high," I think of movie, Spinal Tap, and picture everybody with volume knob on their 3rd eye that goes to 11.
My thoughts are basically the jibber jabber feedback from the general admission, partially obstructed, lawn seating viewpoint of the future.
Is there some kind of GED test you all took to be wise guys?" I asked. So, I didn't get in their gang. And, that's why they beat my ass.- A case could be made I'm so unstable I'm a barn.
Done bowling at Lucky Strike. Other team said: "This is for all the Marlboros." WTF I got their marbles right here. *straddles ball machine*- Do these Indian feathers make me look brave? Of course, I know a tickle fight's not a real battle. I lost a moccasin, not my mind. #gsoav
“All we are spraying..is jizz, cheese and clams..” ~original Beatles chorus, rough draft- I did a swan dive just to make a goose duck just to tell you I did, but left my phone fuckin' way back by the truck cuz l suck. # thugstyle
- At unconventional nun convention full of twisted Sisters expressing sex obsessions in confessional on my {radio edit}, 20 Marys got nailed.
To lay around or lay down? That is the question. How shall we collapse this capitalist state? Aw, c'mon. It'll be fun. You don't need pants.
As bickering turns to snickers, and everybody plays hard, the group dynamic's peace signs become slippery butterfingers.
“Finger-fuck me, Amadeus." ~an old dusty piano desperately needing to be played hard & fine-tuned by a maestro, probably- As she tries barreling over your ass racing her Jaguar down the path, we see her in all her royal hipster glory wearing that lime green hat.
As I got on the escalator in outer space, contemplating what all the stars in a line meant, I felt the sun's glare & all the stairs staring.
A 9 year, $876 dollar study of 2004 election concluded Kucinich would have been president had his name not rhymed with blue spinach. #gsoav
A descendent of e.e. cummings learned semen worked for invisible ink, & completed his 2nd novel as he {radio edit} on her tits now, I think.
American history myths that we never learned anyway. No test left unflunked as we bum change to pay to play.- All I need's 3 iguanas, some legwarmers & 1 igloo. The rest is up to you. You know what to do. lol jk I'll let you know when you get here.
Sunday, October 6, 2013
Middle
throw it, i'm open 
dandi doggi 
rug hugably 
36 hour marsupialis 
a fan page 
playground stars 
spilt whilst 
Section 226.12(d) 
her rabbit aladdin 
little bobby 
damp pamphlet 
the band fan 
rupert nerduck 
diva devo 
potty talk 
the finer V 
half past last 
speedbumpity 
sex o t c 
carrot juice straw 
napsnapper 
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