Can't help but think I'm being punked by the genie. Instead of granting me 3 wishes, he turned me into a beggar.. And made me ride a horse.
Sounds like I musta bought the censored, conservative version of AC/DC's album, Back in Black. Just heard some song called, Hecko's Echoes.
Somebody once told me nothing's wrong if you take out the WR and replace it with 'beerp'.
"Just because I wanna juggle my own balls doesn't mean that I'm an elitist." ~me, on my first day of clown school
The day you see me doodling with a noodle will be the day I ran out of water, and only had an inkwell.- For being such a hothead, she was a smart witch, & wore a helmet for those times she flew off the handle. A parachute mighta worked better.
"Status update: I was on the grass, but now I'm in the bleachers." ~the lunatic, probably
I popped, dropped and locked it. But, then some bum stole my shit.- Surprisingly realized the hat tips I'd thought gods & goddesses gave me were just them saving their sombreros from blowing off in the wind.
- Before she takes a taste of the pro-tip medicine to quench her healthy body thirst, she gets herself into reverse physician position, first.
- Despite sound differences, echo tests show it was an incestual, digestual relationship between bologna & lasagna, & they share the same GNA.
Wouldn't seem like an unskilled asshat cuffed by my handicap if my keen grasp of zen had at last been present & it quit regifting back shit.
Can't stand camping. Could, but won't, count the ways. Can't stand counting. Addicted to dismissing addition, I tell tent poles to get bent.
It took quite a few seashore hints* for Sally to catch my driftwood and gimme shell-ter. *begging and bribery and begging- Rug burn lap kiss were words heard as she offered me free salivation for joining her church. What sucked was not knowing the exact address.
- Perhaps a fancy hat can't be the answer to every last one of my problems, but a more comfortable helmet would solve pretty much all of them.
It wouldn't be so hard if pumping up the volume came with instructions. No, you read this tweet dirty. I wrote it clean.
I'm showing mangos how to play Wango Tango on 2 dueling banjos & put it up on YouTube to piss off The Nuge because they don't give a fuck.
Nice spice girl’s sweet child of thyme? Ha. Mama’s a pig farmer. She flips for naked bacon strips & sausage slips. I’m my own pork rind.
A new, lucky rubber ducky & an old 'didn't get lucky' latex horse made of Trojans saved our company's data from getting soaked in the Cloud.- "The end of the world came early & made me so scared & it got some in my hair," I swear. "Clearly, I was a true victim in the whole affair."
- Gracelessly embraces wish to kiss it. Ring blings. Swing sets mood. Black swan dives on a parroted prayer winged. Finds fine good luck muff.
- Who let the frogs out? They didn’t finish making the ribbets I asked & I’ve got orders up the wazoo. Playing Frogger in Smartcars..say what?
A fly just landed in the butter and got stuck. He insists I call him a butterfly. I'm insisting the little shithead get out of the butter.
I find it fascinating how the right answer is always, "Bite me." Even as it rarely answers the question.- Saying stupid things on Twitter. Because unlike celebrities, we need to practice.
I call your crazy. And, I raise.
The fact that everyone on Twitter sounds crazy isn't helping to slow down my own crazy spin spiral very much. Maybe. Not sure. As you were.
never mind that was my reflection in the water not a feeling Threw a rock at it. all better now
Can't wear flip flops during jury duty because why? Whaddya mean judges don't like symbolism or metaphors? I spent good money on this tie.
The thing living in the wall sure sounds bigger this year.- Was listening to a radio commercial about make-up, I think, when I suddenly realized that I don't really know how I feel about my lashes.
- I assume the reason lobsters keep biting me is because they're crabby and probably bored.
If everybody tells everybody to quit calling me, it'll give the lump on my head time to unswell from when the phone ricocheted off the wall.
Even after she learned sign language, Helen Keller never nagged me. She'd just smile & play Van Halen's 'Eruption'. On air guitar all day.- Someday, once lopsided is the new straight, I'll be the one at the mall yelling, 'Forward, never straight, ya bastards!" Walking backwards.
If I didn't know any better, I'd say all the newly-flung poo on this ant farm would seem to suggest that a monkey's uncle has just moved in.- Was munching on my sandwich at a Denver football game when a piece of bacon began to brag about how it was now a member of a Mile High club.
Every time I try to balance stupid with funny, I end up injuring myself.
I'm about one lesson away from learning I'm too old to be kicking things.
My bad luck began about 7 years ago after the mirror said it was smarter than me.
His head tilts. His eyes roll. With hands placed to his face, he makes a fake pout. I have no idea what this fucking mime is talking about.
"Since people in Australia are from the future, you'd think they'd be smarter," said the not so smart ass expecting to mess with Texas next.
Only on Twitter would writer's block be a sign of maturity.
birdbrain tweets boasts skills? hoax joke all hat no cowboy shirt skirt chirp chirp *burp* Squawker Texts with Strangers? oh, so close nope
I wonder how long I can go pretending that every question I'm asked is rhetorical..
When I moonwalk mock & talk of Ke$ha & Katy Perry secretly taco-walking multiples of Muppets in Sesame Street's dark alleys, my apps crash.
Bird is the word is the proverbial turd spilling willingly as he chills out in my hand. Two others come from your mother's bush & we trade.- With the help of a ceiling mirror reflection, I looked into the hole in my head & saw alien delinquents crash two UFOs in a game of Chicken.
- 7,000 years ago today Noah got on his ship cuz floods & shit hit Friday was still 6999 69 with triplets 3 of a kind sixes 666 if u flip it
Glass House lobby fit pitch with poor American enunciation reminding customers of Middle East misadventures ruined the launch of the iRock.
"I don't make a fuss when you suck & muss," said the grateful, wise mango.- Grabbed his pants & popped 'em open. She thought she saw a Pringles can. A bag lady made of sandwiches soon had him in the palm of her hand.
- This AP testing has me guessing.. C) none of the above I am an unqualified monkey of love. A) maybe B) apey? :)
Saw some awesome word turd show & one guy wrote this: wok a t e r I dunno if it's wok across or wok on & dunno if he won. Rock on, Jesus.
I said, I know she cleans up well, but.. The thong remains the same.- All tweets get in line in front of the equal sign to combine & add up to this tweet. As stars align, all cars behind the One Mind go.. Beep!
Surely, if our negative self-defeating thoughts were a kind of fast food, we'd soon be slowly removing our pants and our mood would improve.- All the missing poop from the yard this morning seems to imply the dumb dogs ended their hunger strike sometime late last night.
Statistically, regardless of our follower counts, if we rounded off percentage who read our tweets, initially, we'd see it nears zero.. +/-1
I might need to put my cape back on.- A scenic route out to lunch takes us to a place too tough to be traced. In empty space noodles, strudel-stuffed faces must trust the doodle.
I was the make-a-wishbone that generously applied foundation to Mary-Kate & Jessica. Next thing I knew, I found myself covered in Ashleys.- Pen's but a preview of the brilliance which begins with the resilience of my supergenius {radio edit}. Ends in the end when I magic mark ya.
"Queen bee? Pfft. Double. BB. I'm king. My trouble knuckles bring ass dings & put a brass ring on it. Elf help books won't." ~Bilbo Braggin'- From embryonic nonsense,..purity. A common conscience. Maturity. A new pop genre phenomena upon us. Tweet cred bred. Fresh. Baked. Toasted.
Jeopardy champ tutors & reverse engineers say Way of the Twitter is answer. And they say question is.. What is defenestration penetration?- Missing words, duplications, tpyos.. A 'slips on rug after shower' faceplant. Twitter gadget flies into next room. Hip hurts now. fuck ;)
Scars can't conceal what we see lyin' by the wheel as we triumph.. Scars Seal Sea lion Triumph, um.. Sea world of fantasy? No. Go fish.- Sometimes, I leave out a word in a tweet just to prove that I am stronger than any additional mental illnesses that I most likely have.
- Finally got my shit together. I found the perfect app. Uh, oh.. No! No!! Just deleted it. Cannot even fucking believe this. I'm gonna barf.
Takes S from stable. Makes a table. For you. Sorry, it's so wobbly. It has a bad leg. Smells of horse, too. Gave it love, and it made it.- “Try to be as wise as your fly’s wide open.” Rigamarole by his totem pole. Advice disguised. His soul had spoken. He’s hoping it’s joking.
- Sometimes, I use dumb to rhyme with some when I should've used stupid. Then, I become uncertain as to how to describe the bad choice I made.
If by saying you bet I knock this tweet out of the park, you mean into reverse so it rolls down a hill & into a lake then, yes good guess- The only reason this blue goat won't say 'Cheese' is because he thinks I didn't bring my camera.
“Don’t glaze me, bro.” ~a donut talking to a cop
Behind VOID tramp-stamped foreheads residing inside dumb asses, vacuums become self-aware. "We suck at this." ~Congressional confessional- I can't believe it's not, but her accounting amounts 2 arguing 4 the prophet's lost margarine. Spread, she said, "Cover me." I'm going in.
- I didn't mess with Texas. I had to let my magic microphone sext it breakfast to get a twisted Trickster mission stricken from my checklist.
- We, the jury, in the case of the missing cats, have reached a verdict. 26 letters from evidence helped solve puzzle. alphabet Alf, I bet.
- a whiter shade of pale night vision goggles/5 maroon cape crazy mix b ucket of purple rainwash haze fuck up c infrapink sheep d p sleep
Sunday, October 6, 2013
Not Not FIrst
playground stars 
spilt whilst 
Section 226.12(d) 
half past last 
speedbumpity 
36 hour marsupialis 
napsnapper 
rug hugably 
little bobby 
potty talk 
diva devo 
damp pamphlet 
rupert nerduck 
dandi doggi 
throw it, i'm open 
her rabbit aladdin 
carrot juice straw 
a fan page 
the band fan 
sex o t c 
the finer V 
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